I thought it was a great first chapter. I really like what you did for Balasaur, he seems as scary as he should be
. You did a good job of displaying the power he possess and kind of fear his race invokes even though he is joining up for a noble cause. I also like the whole thing about him being cursed into a humanoid body. I like your drawing of him as well Barrett, it looks very cool, you did a good job on it. Good job overall I can't wait to see chapter 2.
The only problems I had was the mention of the dragon they found doesn't make sense in the conversation between Youps and Nasis after he broke the table. They talk about losing money and Youps mentions its a good thing they found that dragon, why? It seems thrown in for no reason, just a suggestion. The other was at the start of that Nasis scene when Youps opens the door it says, "slamming the door open," slamming is not usually used when opening a door, just a suggestion to use another choice of words. In the fourth paragraph a typo, it should be Lilly's capture not captured. Just some things I noticed as I read, up to you if you want to change them.