Quote:
Originally Posted by Chommpers
The only problems I had was the mention of the dragon they found doesn't make sense in the conversation between Youps and Nasis after he broke the table. They talk about losing money and Youps mentions its a good thing they found that dragon, why? It seems thrown in for no reason, just a suggestion. The other was at the start of that Nasis scene when Youps opens the door it says, "slamming the door open," slamming is not usually used when opening a door, just a suggestion to use another choice of words. In the fourth paragraph a typo, it should be Lilly's capture not captured. Just some things I noticed as I read, up to you if you want to change them.
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lol, your curiosity and perception are sharp
The dragon was mentioned because like all dragons in fairytales, this one accumulated a huge pile of trasure and gold on which it guards. Nasis and Youps killed this one in Feldinshire and added its treasure to there already vast amount of hereditary cash.
I meant slamming the door open as in opening it so fast and hard that it slams against the wall
For running into the dragon, i had wanted to include a text so i could explain why it was a good thing that they not only ran into it, but also slew it, but i couldnt see how such a text could fit into the current conversation or situation without distorting the current topic on the page