Quote:
Originally Posted by VVVACCPLPNLY
Ok, lizbel has translated another interview, and asked me to edit it for an anglophone ear/eye...
Thanks to Lizbel for her specatular efforts to master our English language!
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I mean no criticism of your helpful effort, VVVACCPLPNLY. But since Lizbel has done us this favor, and also has a professional interest in expression, I thought I would also rework her copy without looking at your rendering. This will let her discover if two native English speakers differ much in their copy-editing of her text.
I will not look at the original French text:
first, for want of time, and
second, because my French is now so poor I doubt it would prove helpful.
Most of my classroom-based education was good, but to this day I am shocked that it included only seven weeks of formal instruction in English grammar, all during one year.
(As an aside, I am curious which song on
Psychédélices reflects Giulietta Masina.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by VVVACCPLPNLY
The original articale can be seen here...
Thanks to Lizbel for her specatular efforts...
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I beg your pardon, but Lizbel should note you are a bit careless about spelling.
e.g. you should have written "article" and "spectacular."
First, let me say that Lizbel's original text is very easy to rework, because the intended meaning in English is so clear. I once had to rework an article by a senior French informatics professor, whose spoken English was excellent, but whose written English was so bizarre that editing it was a terrible labor.
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I copy Lizbel's original text, followed by my version in
bold text. I
underline any changes made.
Alizée, after Mylène Farmer
Alizée, after Mylène Farmer
The new Alizée's album, Psychédélices, is a diving into a sexy, rhythmic pop with strong accents of the 1980s.
The new Alizée album, Psychédélices, is a dive into sexy, rhythmic pop with strong influences from the 1980s.
The songs are signed by Jean Fauque (Bashung's lyricist ), Daniel Darc, Bertrand Burgalat, Jérémy Chatelain or rapper Oxmo Puccino.
The songs are authored by Jean Fauque (Bashung's lyricist ), Daniel Darc, Bertrand Burgalat, Jérémy Chatelain and rapper Oxmo Puccino. [The use of
or may be logically correct, but curious custom specifies the use of
and.]
For LEXPRESS.fr, Alizée, 24, who was discovered with Moi Lolita, an European hit in 2000, comments this new adventure and returns to the work she made with the duo Mylène Farmer and Laurent Boutonnat.
Alizée, 24, who was discovered through Moi Lolita, a European hit in 2000, comments to LEXPRESS.fr on this new adventure and returns to the work she did with the duo Mylène Farmer and Laurent Boutonnat. [Why do I break the usual rule about the appearance of the indefinite article before a word starting with a vowel? I do so because the "E" in European has the "Y" sound. Thus I would write "an elephant" but still write "a European."]
Alizée emancipates herself from Mylène Farmer with Psychédélices, a pop, sexy and mature album. Focus on a career apart.
Alizée emancipates herself from Mylène Farmer with Psychédélices, a sexy and mature pop album. Reform to a career apart. [Why did I move "pop"? To me, "pop" is a noun, not an adjective, and so I use the compound noun "pop album."]
1.Moi... Lolita has not been written for her.
1.Moi... Lolita was not written for her.
"It was like a character part ... At 15, I was very naive and I didn't always understand what I was singing, although I never felt myself as a manipulated puppet.
"It was like a character part ... At 15, I was very naive and I didn't always understand what I was singing, although I never felt myself to be a manipulated puppet.
But after four years I've had enough that all the songs were based on sensuality and sexuality.
But after four years I'd had enough of songs that were all based on sensuality and sexuality.
I didn't want
either to wear dresses made by Courrèges, with boots, and musically it wasn't so good, so... "
I also didn't want to wear dresses made by Courrèges, with boots, and musically it wasn't so good, so... "
2. Mylène Farmer and Laurent Boutonnat gave her her contract, very simply.
2. Very simply, Mylène Farmer and Laurent Boutonnat gave back her contract.
"They taught me everything - including meticulousness, perfectionism, the power of the image - but I had to free myself.
"They taught me everything - including meticulousness, perfectionism, the power of the image - but I had to free myself.
Anyway, they knew they could no longer keep me.
Anyway, they knew they could no longer keep me.
3.Critics such as "Without Mylène, Alizée is nothing!" didn't touch her.
3.Criticism such as "Without Mylène, Alizée is nothing!" didn't touch her.
"I made the perfect list of artists I wanted to work with.
"I made the perfect list of artists with whom I wanted to work. [The original English translation is very popular, but grammatically wrong.]
I asked texts to Jean Fauque [Bashung's lyricist], knocked at the door of Oxmo Puccino's studio, I requested Daniel Darc at the end of one of his concerts ...
I sent inquiries to Jean Fauque [Bashung's lyricist], knocked on the door of Oxmo Puccino's studio, I called for Daniel Darc at the end of one of his concerts ...
My approach, like if I was a "young runaway" has touched them.
My approach, as if I was a "young runaway," has touched them.
The album interweaves many stories about mythical women - Nico, Giulietta Masina - and talks about me, too."
The album interweaves many stories about legendary women - Nico, Giulietta Masina - and talks about me, too." ["mythical" asserts a fictional existence only.]
4. She designed the cover of her album.
4. She designed the cover of her album.
"Two Alizée are looking to each other.
"Two Alizées are looking at each other.
One of them is very feminine, quiet, responsible, since I am a mother of a little girl.
One of them is very feminine, quiet, responsible, since I am a mother of a little girl.
The other, childish, wearing sneakers, is eating a cake.
The other, childish, wearing sneakers, is eating a cake.
This photo sums me up: 23 years, not yet a woman, and not a child anymore."
This photo sums me up: 23 years old, not yet a woman, and not a child anymore."
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