Alizée America Forum - View Single Post

FanDeAliFee · #50 11-15-2010, 04:42 PM

Beware cruise ships! Or not?

The other month I had mentioned to a friend (she is not a member of Alizée America) how fond Alizée was of the sea when she was a girl, and so, how she must miss having regular access to same as a denizen of Paris. Thus, when I recently spoke to my friend about the topic of this thread, I shouldn't have been surprised when, recalling my earlier remarks, she opined that nothing would be as lovely a celebration of Alizée's upcoming wedding anniversary as a romantic luxury ocean cruise.

As I will detail below, I had good reason for wincing when I heard this. But lest you think I am over-generalizing from my own single unfortunate experience, I will bring your attention to recent events.

It seems that the guests on the luxury cruise ship Carnival Splendor had to endure very UNsplendeous conditions at sea when an engine-room fire destroyed the basic ability of the ship to generate electricity. A backup generator prevented a worse situation, but there was great hardship aboard all the same. The ship was set adrift at sea and it took days to tow it back to shore. In the meantime, passengers lodged in windowless lower decks suffered in hot, dark quarters. Stoves, refrigerators and even toilets ceased to operate. Eventually, the ship's staff resorted to free liquor and irreverent comments to reduce the distress, and airborne relief by the US Navy proved necessary to obviate hunger. (Gosh, everyone was even more helpful than when Hurricane Katrina hit!

)

Unwizened by the bitter experience of life, when I was young, I bought into the image of this industry presented through the mass media. Cardinal was the impression given by the US television show called The Love Boat, later syndicated worldwide (e,g, known as La croisière s'amuse in France.) The video below shows the title segment of a typical episode.

So one year, anticipating vacation time, I visited a travel agent and looked into booking a sea cruise. Frankly, I was shocked when I found out how expensive these things were! As I was excusing myself and heading toward the door, the agent, unwilling to lose my business, bade that I stay and revealed that by giving up "some" of the luxury, and booking passage on a newly refurbished "tall ship" with no track record called the Venus, I could save an enormous amount of money. I thought about it a while and finally signed up for a cruise. With a name like Venus, that of the Roman Goddess of Love, it seemed like it might well prove a genuine "Love Boat" on which one could have the romance of a lifetime!

But sadly, the whole trip turned out to be a disaster. Rather than elegant cuisine, they served up the vilest so-called "stew" along with polluted brandy, which is not that surprising when you consider the alternate uses to which they put the galley tables between meals. The pool had things swimming in it, and I don't just mean the other passengers. And forget about any sort of classy entertainment, unless you want to consider the often riotous behavior of the crew as classy. Some of them did receive harsh sanction, but the captain meeting it out was so incompetent and corrupt, it was really hard to call it justice. Surely, even the lowly Seaman "Happy" from old-time US TV's McHale's Navy would have made a better skipper! The ship's captain took many liberties with his charges, and they in turn reciprocated by disrespecting his family, who sailed with us.

I took no part in what one might in desperation have called the "romantic" experiences on board the ship. But In fairness, I have to credit the navigator, who thankfully returned us home, albeit none too soon for my taste! The Venus never sailed again.

It actually is a lot easier to avoid repeating my sad mistake than might be thought. Just tell your travel agent something like: "If I get bored during the cruise, is there shuffleboard equipment I can use?" If the answer is "No, but there's a ship's dog on board with whom you can play," please RUN - don't walk - the hell out of there and NEVER return!

In those days, we didn't have dirt-cheap electronic consumer camcorders, and shooting film was way too expensive, even for folks who could save up enough for a cruise. Thus, I am at a loss to fully communicate the disappointments of this trip. Happily however, the extraordinary experiences of this voyage gave birth to what became a famous satirical protest song. In the video below, it is arranged as a Cajun dance number and the artistry far exceeds that which typical performances manifest, making it a real credit to Franco-American folk music. (I hope I spelled that right.)

These cautionary tales may deter Alizée from EVER boarding a luxury cruise ship. Yet if not so, not only do cruise ships proffer the promise of a romantic experience for passengers, they possibly also create the venue for live performances of song and dance by those who practice such artistic trades. To the latter end, consider the following video featuring the Spanish cousin of Alizée America's own KLo, one "April." Cuchi-cuchi! Eat your heart out, Shakira!

<small><small>BTW, Charo, who evidently married the aging Cugat in Las Vegas at age 25, would frequently offer earnest, deadpan, wide-eyed claims that originally, she had planned to become a nun! Could this help explain why South Park would parody The Love Boat as The Catholic Boat?</small></small>