It's very nice one. Especially I like that you used color pens since most of the fan art are usually done monochromatic.
Tho yea, maybe it could be little more subtle in certain areas. Altho, since the the dress is more cartoon-ish everywhere else, too, it might work as is.
But since we got stuck to dress... The details off the dress is bit off, btw.
I guess you used low resolution image as a reference. It's missing some seams (you only have two, the center one and the left one (her right)).