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I'm sorry to hear other members here have also lost family members and friends to this illness, yet some people deal with things better than others or maybe they are just stronger than others.. I don't know?

When my father passed away I was gutted, moreover I was also very bitter as all the doctors and health professionals with all their tests etc' still missed his cancer.. even in the last couple of months of his life when it was evident he was severely ill. I still remember his last words to me as he said " take care of your mother" and so I became her carer as she had some problems with her own health. We still had good times though and made the best of things although there were times that were not so good due to her poor health and even though we made the best of things there were many worries.

Well I was always more close to my mother than my father but I became even closer to her the last couple of years.... she was my life. I won't go into all the details of her health but once again I feel "IF" the doctors had not gone around the houses and didn't keep us waiting weeks and weeks on end between each hospital appointment aswell as checking her kindneys out first, then she could have had cryotherapy but by the time her cancer was detected it was too late for cryotherapy and she wasn't fit enough to have surgery due to other health issues. The only option left was to have radiotherapy but subsequently she had a stroke and things became more complicated.
Moreover as she now needed 24 hour care due to her stroke.. the social worker, doctors etc' told us she had to go into a nursing home and that was against her wishes and all the wishes of me and my family members. I was also told I wouldn't be able to take care of her as it was a risk to her health and so my mother was in that nursing home for 10 months.

Well I went in almost everyday for her and it was hard trying to make the best of things and the nights were even harder.. yet once again we both did. Then 10 months later a new social work came on the scene and told us your mother shouldn't be here against her will.. well to cut a long story short, it wasn't easy going but eventually we got a care package set up ( had carers coming in 4 times a day ) to get mum back home but ironically by that time she was in even worse health than when she first went into the nursing home.

Nonetheless I couldn't believe she was coming home and although we had some nice times together again, unfortuantly I only had her back for 4 months and then she sadly passed away.... I get upset a lot, I'm now drinking a lot, I get angry a lot, but mostly I just feel lost..... I pray for her and I just want a sign to know she is now atleast happy, healthy and free with those she loves up there in heaven..... I need to know that and then maybe I can then move on with more than just hope.

My mother was, is and always will be very special to me.. I miss her so much!