I still really am not sure about my relationship for lack of a better word is with her. As much as an incredibly beautiful woman I feel she is, inside and out and as much as I've followed her for 9 years now. I still don't have a good feeling of what it would be like to hang out with her.
I've never been as crazy about the person, as I was the performer. I went to Pistoia and Taormina, to get a better idea of what it must've been like to have seen her perform in these beautiful places. I even broke into the Triage-Lavoir building in Belgium where the ACC video was filmed. I could have easily gone to Ajaccio or Paris where I'm sure I could've found out from members of AF where she lived, but being close to her didn't really mean that much to me as opposed to seeing her on stage.
One thing life has taught me is no matter how incredibly beautiful and sexy a woman appears on the outside, that has in many cases nothing to do with what she's like on the inside and I think that's why I've always been in love with the performer as opposed to the person.
In fact, when I first did go to Ajaccio. I went there at a time when she wasn't expected to be there. I went there in 2012 after seeing her in the Les Enfoires show in Lyon. I went to Corsica after everyone including me was expecting her to go back to Paris to be with Jeremy, but she went to Corsica instead and this is when we first found out she and Jeremy had parted company.
But being in Corsica with her there was a strange feeling. I feel even if I saw her and was able to say hello to her, that would be the end of it and I might as well be on the other side of the moon. Being that close and not being in her inner circle would be torture.
At least I work in a job that has enabled me to see her on several occasions. My big regret as far as that is concerned is I didn't learn about her earlier. I could've easily flown over in 2003 for En Concert if I had known, but I wonder what might have happened back then. In December 2003 I might have said, I wont fly over now. I'll wait for a show in the summer of 2004. I would have jumped off a jetbridge if that had happened, so I'm thankful for all the great experiences I've had.
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