Globally, Honorable translation is good. But once again, it's often done word for word. A real adaptation would be better if they wanted to create an English version for Alizée to sing. Meaning something from scratch with different images, puns, etc.
1st verse:
Quand on a que seize ans
is not
[The Honorable]
when one's not even sixteen
but
when one's only sixteen
1st verse:
Le lit qu'on défait
[TH]
the bed one defaces
defaces?? Sound strange...
Hard for me to explain since I have no clue about this expression in English! I need some help here:
According to my dictionary, the opposite "Le lit qu'on fait" (note: no "dé-") seems to be the same in English: "the bed that one makes". Let's see if it's ok, do you say for example: "each morning, i make my bed"?
Now it's the opposite: "Le lit qu'on
défait". Literally, "défaire" in French means "undo" or "unmake". Now how do you say it when you "reopen" and "undo" your bed each evening so you can go under the sheets and sleep?
And to add to your pain, note that it may also mean that you remove all sheets and covers of the bed to replace them!
Probably none of words above fit? Maybe something like "unpack" would be ok?
Anyway let's say you use "unpack", the whole phrase would be then: "The bed one unpacks" (or maybe "The bed you unpack"?)
Phew... now your turn to suffer with this, Brad
. At least, I thought TH's "defaces" was just wrong. NOW don't tell me that it's how you say it!
2nd verse:
Qui sont trop courts,
[TH]
that are much too short
Don't know why he added "much". Just remove it.
2nd verse:
Moi, j' rêve en grand
Comme l'éléphant
[TH]
I dream big,
[TH]
as big as an elephant;
Meaning (French line): I dream big, as big as an elephant
does
I'm not sure it's the same sense without "does" (I ask you actually). For me, that would sound in English that I dream of something that is as big as an elephant
Am I right or are you giggling right now?
Chorus:
Parler tout bas
[TH]
Speak softly to him
Why "to him"?? Or is it better in English, according to what follows in next lines...
Also I would use "Speak
ing softly"
5th verse:
Pas pour de rire
[TH]
but not for you to laugh, (that)
"Pas pour de rire" (literally something like "not to laugh about") is a way -a little childish- to say that it's serious, it's for real. You might change TH's phrase...
Notes:
(1) I agree with him. It doesn't make much sense in French too.
(2) already explained in another post above. Just leave the candy name, "Zan". You may add: "(French candy)" on your line
(3) he's right about "les grands". Probably right for the interpretation too.
Now good luck Brad
