Jokes Not meant to offend anybody; but to lighten up the world

[Marshal Davout]

Some Jokes I will try to get in to lighten up the world.
First is Batman confronts Darth Vader in the subwayConfrontation4.jpg

Second is "Subway Maniac" still on the Loose !SubwayManiac.jpg

Third is not a joke but kind of too bad. Girl gets Pizza for Dinner; but then falls asleep on the subway from work !
BadDinner3.jpg

Sorry to be all about the Subway !

[Marshal Davout]

The My Blue Heaven Movie dance Sequence

[Marshal Davout]

I try to get this in; but maybe it won't work ? Sorry I try to get some other things in

Little girl who asked her grandparents for an Ipad; but gets an Eyepad !

Safari Guide says I think there are lions over there under that tree ?
But the Lion standing next to the jeep says No, Those are Hyenas !

Maybe I will Quit when I am Ahead ! Nothing works right for me tonight !

[Chicago Express Service]

We always have fun with the newest new guy at work by sending him down to the supply room to find:

- Roll of film for the digital camera

- Hundred feet of shoreline (or chow line)

- Can of snew (guy asks "What's snew?" and you say "Not much, what's new with you?")

- Bucket to catch the packets that fall out when I unplug an ethernet cable

[Marshal Davout]

Why does he get all the Girls ?

AlainChamfortandGirls2.jpg

Nobody knows but the Girls and they are not talking ? Ha !

[Chicago Express Service]

A friend of mine reminded me of an old favorite French joke:

Un homme voit dans le journal « Apprenez l'anglais en 2 heures pour 2 euros ! »
Il décide de se rendre à l'adresse intrigué qu'il est par l'offre exceptionnelle.
Arrivé devant la porte, il frappe et un homme lui ouvre.
- c'est bien ici les cours d'anglais?
- If! if! Between!

(Si, si, entrez!)

[Marshal Davout]

Originally Posted by Chicago Express Service

A friend of mine reminded me of an old favorite French joke:

Un homme voit dans le journal « Apprenez l'anglais en 2 heures pour 2 euros ! »
Il décide de se rendre à l'adresse intrigué qu'il est par l'offre exceptionnelle.
Arrivé devant la porte, il frappe et un homme lui ouvre.
- c'est bien ici les cours d'anglais?
- If! if! Between!

(Si, si, entrez!)

Please you talk too much French; and being more or less a fool, I must translate !
Someday I have got to get the lessons down !

One time I was late to an IT party; so my team made me take the next phrase in Charades ! Our section leader was a sadist and so the Phrase they came up with was "Say La Vie" ( this at a time when I knew even less French ) I thought nobody is ever going to get this ! I could think of no clues. Finally I drew a map of the
seaboard of the US and then drew an X through it. Then I drew a map of Europe, Netherlands, France, and Spain and I drew an Arrow to France ! Then I gave them the hand motions from the mouth, finally I got someone to say "say". and then finally one of our girls who knew some French said the C'est La Vie and so I saved one for our team !

[Chicago Express Service]

Originally Posted by Marshal Davout

Please you talk too much French; and being more or less a fool, I must translate !
Someday I have got to get the lessons down !

My French isn't too solid, that is why I am forcing myself to use it - if I don't, it gets worse!

I will translate this for you:

A man reads in the newspaper "Learn English in two hours, for only two euros!" He is intrigued by this excellent offer, and he goes to the address in the ad. He knocks on the door when he arrives, and a gentleman opens it.

He asks the man "Is this [the place] for the English course?" and the man says "If, If, Between !"

(the joke is that the class is quite poor, or the gentleman is a poor teacher - the phrase "Si, si, entrez!" that he would say should really be translated as "Yes, yes, come in!" - but he chooses the alternative "If" for Si, and "Between" for Entrez - both technically correct, but wrong together.)

[Marshal Davout]

Ah Thank You ! I would never get the differences in Meaning !

Here is a crazy song from long ago; I meant to put in as a joke ? There is actually a Woolverton Mountain in Arkansas; but I have never been there !