Funny Stories

AmericanFan · #1 10-25-2007, 04:57 AM

Back in the dark ages when personal computers were still in their infancy, we were forced to build our own if we wanted one. Since they didn’t really exist yet it wasn’t like we could run to the store and buy one. The best of that era were based on the Intel 8088 processors and had as much as 1mb of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com[IMG]http://moi-alizee.us/forums/ /><st1:stockticker>RAM</st1:stockticker>! Mine was so sophisticated that I not only had dual 5.25” floppy drives but a huge 10MB hard drive! I thought I could never fill it up. Over time I replaced my green monochrome monitor with <st1:stockticker>RGB</st1:stockticker> color and my 300 bps acoustical modem with a smokin’ fast 1200bps. Believe it or not, many of my friends were jealous! My cast metal keyboard was later replaced with a more modern plastic one.
<st1:stockticker>RAM</st1:stockticker>! Mine was so sophisticated that I not only had dual 5.25” floppy drives but a huge 10MB hard drive! I thought I could never fill it up. Over time I replaced my green monochrome monitor with <st1:stockticker>RGB</st1:stockticker> color and my 300 bps acoustical modem with a smokin’ fast 1200bps. Believe it or not, many of my friends were jealous! My cast metal keyboard was later replaced with a more modern plastic one.
By the time I had all of these wonderful upgrades <st1:stockticker>IBM</st1:stockticker> was introducing their first PC and software was becoming available.
Obviously this was long before Al Gore invented the Internet but we had something close. It was the BBS or Bulletin Board System. The best software available at the time was called Wildcat. The host computer (at some geek’s house) would be connected to the telephone line and we could connect to it (usually one at a time) and upload or download files and messages.
We didn’t have much for graphics yet. Most graphics were merely letters grouped together in patterns to form crude pictures. It was all text based stuff.
There was also a crude chat feature where the person connecting could chat with the owner of the host computer. All it did was connect both computers so that the screens and keyboards worked in tandem. Either keyboard could manipulate the text on both screens at the same time. The intent was to carry on a conversation by typing, and then hitting enter twice to leave a gap so the other person knew you were finished and they could respond.
My friend “Chuck” set his computer up as a host. One night around <st1:time Minute="0" Hour="3">3:00 am</st1:time> we got into a chat together and he was telling me how fed-up he was with society and that he was temped to sell off everything and he and his family could move to the middle of nowhere and live like “The Wilderness Family”. (A new movie at the time.)
Chuck typed incredibly slow. He rarely looked at the screen as he searched for each letter on his keyboard. Chuck insisted that capitol letters, punctuation and grammar had to be perfect. So… to combat boredom every once in a while I would backspace or change a letter so it looked as if he made a mistake. Once he saw an error, he would delete all the letters in front of the mistake and rewrite the entire line. I was having a great time!
I quickly tired of that and when he would start a new line, I’d let him type a few words then type like crazy while at the same time deleting his letters. The end result would be a perfect line of text that had little or nothing to do with what he was trying to say.
He got wise to my antics and started typing as if he was sending a Telegram using abbreviations whenever possible.
He went on to explain that he wanted to be at least 100 miles form anyone where he could build a log cabin and live off the land.
I responded with a similar experience of my own previous adventures doing almost exactly what he was describing. I explained that it isn’t nearly as wonderful as he imagines it would be. I said there are certain things that we have that we take for granted that he would surely miss.
Not believing me he asked… “Like what?”
So I said “Like toilet paper! How many cases of toilet paper can you pack in, on your back, 100+ miles from town?”
By now he is extremely frustrated with my antics. He tried to say his plan was to have supplies flown in at regular intervals but he typed… “No! Helicopters!”
So I said… “I’m sorry Chuck but there is no way in hell you could ever talk me into wiping my @$$ with a helicopter!”
No response… I wait a minute or so and still no response. I check my connection and everything is fine so I’m starting to think I totally pissed him off and he is on his way over to beat the snot out of me.
About the time I’m ready to get up and lock my door text starts rolling across my screen… it says… “Hi this is Lori (Chuck’s wife) there was a loud crash that woke me up and I rushed in here to see what happened. Chuck is on the floor, laughing and pointing at the screen. He can’t talk yet but will be back soon. I’m going back to bed.”
OK, I’m relieved. Chuck isn’t going to kill me after all. After like a year and a half he types… “Rotor rash!” Then goes on to explain how he had this vivid image in his mind of me… bent over with my pants around my ankles cautiously backing up to a helicopter. “Wop wop wop.”
Well, that did it for me, then I started laughing. That started my dog barking etc. Rather than disturb two entire neighborhoods with our high tech toys we quit talking late at night.
That was a hundred years ago and that picture is still clearly in my mind. It still makes me laugh too.