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#61
04-13-2010, 10:36 AM
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All my translations
I put all my translations in this post, they are last available versions till now. Thanks to Toc De Mac, Roman Sir Woos, Chuck and all other who contributed
 A Cœur fendre I forced the door of hell I broke the forbidden seal For you Diverted the course of a volcano To warm up your trembling arms For you The sky is dark The life is bleak It's freezing, enough to split stone I'm cold I advanced the hour of dawn I hurried the return of flowers For you I cleaned the windows, changed the light bulb Silenced the screams of the crowd For you The century collapses Debris, rubble It's freezing, enough to split heart I'm cold There's no more noise in the winter garden We shelter under the opposite branches Without you, the world Wavers, succumbs It's freezing, enough to split heart I'm cold Without you Mes Fantômes Oh my phantoms my dark sides, my hours of darkness, my dangers, my illusions Oh my mistakes, my excuses, my gross insubtleties*, my histories, my ordeals Oh my children, my lights, innocent gods, my lone heros Oh my loves, our troubling games, your burning eyes, my tears, my miracles Oh my secrets, my dark works, without seeming to believe, my regrets, my silences Oh my child, my black diamond, my loner*, my little one, my prayer Oh my moments, my fires, my brief dramas, my incidents, my centuries. Factory girl It's the end of the ballad For lovable teen Lonely facing Hasselblad Split from bottom to top Lifeless, submissive Behaving as little soldier Examined back and forth Three-quarter profile Factory Girl On the edge of the mirror Factory Girl All the colors of night It's a dive into the abyss of a young bird of prey Obedient to laws of analog Film, which falls Seen form above it's sublime No, nothing will disappoint you Only diving into the abyss Has more splendour Factory girl Last drama, Last scene Factory girl It's barely worth Factory Girl We will resume tomorrow Factory Girl Until the end of ends of end of ends of ends Une Fille Difficile Often, I turn In the storm The life keels over To the margin A difficult girl Of fire under the lashes Disaccording A rebellious girl But when you write to me Listen, come back, sorry, you know, I love you, forget I believe you, I forget Is it necessary to confiscate me? Capture me? Should I escape Is it necessary to love me? Often wayward To regrets And elusive To regret A rebellious girl Of fire under the lashes Sometimes wrong A difficult girl And if I'm leaving I live in your arms again, your voice, your times, your heart As a remorse Is it necessary to confiscate me? Beg me? Should I escape Is it necessary to love me? Is it necessary to confiscate me? Capture me? Should I escape Is it necessary to love me? Now, I need your help to put the footnotes where they are absolutely necessary as you know what could be unclear to readers. Well, actually it's you who use English everyday, in contrary to me, so let me know what should be explained. Also, I need help with translating "Il faut", Something shorter and better fitting the lyrics than "Is it necessary"? Last edited by Criss_pl; 04-13-2010 at 01:55 PM.. 
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#62
04-14-2010, 12:56 AM
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Just passin' thru
Quote:
And then Roman said "Oh my god. Now I feel like a real idiot." I'd like to say I feel like a real idiot, too. But I'm used to the feeling. I'm actually pretty busy today. (so why am I here? Taking a break from the 1040's.) But I'll be back to update Grand Central and 14 Dec real soon, if someone doesn't beat me to it. CRISS: RE THE "IL FAUTS" - here's my thoughts... "Is it necessary to confiscate me?" could be changed to "Does someone have to kidnap me?" "Is it necessary to love me?" - This can stay exactly as you did it. Seems fine!
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#63
04-14-2010, 01:06 AM
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Quote:
__________________
--- pace e salute ---
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#64
04-14-2010, 12:35 PM
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[QUOTE=Chuck;160562]
CRISS: RE THE "IL FAUTS" - here's my thoughts... "Is it necessary to confiscate me?" could be changed to "Does someone have to kidnap me?" Quote:
In English I'd rather lean to "seize".
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#65
04-14-2010, 12:43 PM
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Man so it looks like you guys got half the songs down! Nice! Has anyone done La Candida yet? Or should I ask one of our spanish-speaking members to?
O wait I bet AlizeeLatino has it...
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#66
04-14-2010, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
Nine of ten songs are down, as Limelight translation is still being made by Ben afaik 
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#67
04-14-2010, 08:07 PM
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Quote:
I've forced the gate of hell (1) I've broken the forbidden seal (1) For you Diverted a volcano's flow (2) To warm [deleted] your trembling arms For you The sky is black [deleted] Life is dark (3) It's so cold, stone splits (4) I'm cold I've advanced the hour of dawn (1) I've hurried the return of flowers (1) For you I've done the windows, changed the light bulb (1, 5) Silenced the screams of the mob For you The century collapses Debris, rubble It's so cold, the heart breaks (4) I'm cold There's not but a sound in the winter garden (6, 7) We shelter under the opposite branches Without you, the world Flickers, Dies (8) It's so cold, the heart breaks (4) I'm cold Without you Notes: 1) I think it's important to preserve what's called present perfect tense/aspect (whatever it's called in french) that is present in the original: J'ai [past participle] = I have (I've) [past participle] 2) English retains the vestiges of the genitive case (the possessive, [noun]'s) while french has pretty much totally discarded it (except in possessive pronouns), using the prepositional construction "de [noun]" instead. This has the same denotation as the english equivalent "of [noun]" but the connotation in english between the two is usually off. Here I opted for the genitive construction which I think is more natural. 3) French usually retains definite articles on abstract nouns where english almost always deleted the definite articles on abstract nouns (though not 100% of the time, often for emphasis). but more often than not "la vie" should be rendered as "life" (not "the life"). 4) I know I got a little loose mixing the literal and interpreting the line. But I think these renderings better capture the meaning in english even if it's traveled a good distance from the original in french. I also think the brevity (fewer words used) serves the impact of the line better. 5) I like keeping "fait" closer to the literal in english "done" because it retains the same pattern in english when we talk about menial chores; "I did the laundry," "I did the dishes." I think this retains the intent of the line; that she's done all the little menial things for (him) as well. 6) Here's a very English english (as opposed to American) expression which I really like here. "there's not but a [noun]" translates more directly into American english as "there isn't even a [noun". I just this this cadence works better in english and also preserves the placement of un bruit/a sound at the end of the phrase, which I also like. 7) I think "noise" carries a connotation of a sound that it somehow out of place. For example, say you're watching TV with a friend (the volume is on) and your friend suddenly asks "Do you hear a noise?"... the emphasis is on a sound that is somehow out of place. but if he had instead asked "Do you hear a sound?" the question now seems a little strange; of course you hear a sound, the TV is on. Since the emphasis of the line seems to be on the total silence of the garden, the absence of sound, rather than just the absence of unwanted or out of place noises. 8) In my dictionary these words also came up for vacille and succombe, respectively. I think the imagery of this rendering is more powerful and beatiful... conjuring the image of one's internal flame being snuffed out, rather than just a staggering person... more e representation of an internal death than an external one.
__________________
C'est ta faute... mais on t'aime quand même, Alizée!
Tu m'as pris dès le premier "moi." Last edited by CFHollister; 04-14-2010 at 08:09 PM..
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#69
04-14-2010, 09:01 PM
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I believe the La Candida one certainly is. Of course anybody is welcome to revise it. I think Amigo and Alex did a great job on it though.
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#70
04-14-2010, 09:03 PM
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Quote:
__________________
C'est ta faute... mais on t'aime quand même, Alizée!
Tu m'as pris dès le premier "moi."
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haha.
Linear Mode
