Just In Time for Halloweenie; Tales of the Jaguar

[Marshal Davout]

Wednesday Addams has to be a Jaguar ; based on the Dance !

The Jaguar; in case you didn't know it; is the Apex Predator of the Americas and Roams all Over !
It has the 3rd Strongest Bite ( after the Lion and the Tiger ) ! It Fears Nothing and takes down Buffalo and Alligators !
Although the Ranchers of Canada and the US have severely reduced their numbers in North America; it still Roams in Central and South America ! The natives of south america will usually refuse to Hunt it; because they say; If you hunt a Jaguar; they will know it, and then they will Hunt You ! So they usually refuse to guide hunters into the jungle, for any amount of money ! In the jungle it will hide in the foliage and hunt during the day; but in the Pampas it will hunt at night, so you don't see it coming ! while a Lion or a Tiger will tear you up to kill you; the Jaguar is quite economical and can kill you with one bite ( through your skull, which it will crack like an Eggshell ! ). The name Jaguar, in native , actually means; He who kills with one leap ! It seems to be a modern descendant of the sabre tooth tiger; and the natives regard it as almost a God !
A guide and four hunters were sitting around their fire in the jungle; when the Jaguar came out of the Jungle to look at them. The Guide told them ; Don't Move ! The one hunter said ; Shouldn't I get my rifle ? But the Guide told him; It's going to kill the first one of us that moves, and then all the rest of us ! Then the Hunter said; But what is it doing ? and the Guide said, If we are Lucky , it has already eaten, so it is merely sizing us up, since we are in it's territory ! Eventually the Jaguar stretched , like a Cat, and nonchalantly walked back into the jungle ! The guide told them Now you can get your Rifles !
Another Native was finally convinced to hunt the Jaguar for some Gold by 4 Hunters ! And so they went into the jungle to Hunt one. But somehow the Jaguar knew they were hunting it; and walked around them and came up behind them 1 They were facing one direction after the cat's trail, but suddenly the guide's sixth sense told him something was watching them and he turned around and saw the Jaguar and then he was afraid, because the Cat was now hunting them ! One by one he killed the hunters gradually as they hunted through the jungle. Finally the one hunter left and the guide were running back to civilization with the Jaguar on their tail and then he killed the last hunter ! The guide ran and ran throughout the day to get away. And finally he came to a clearing and the Cat was on the other side and he couldn't run any more; so he fell to his knees and threw away the men's gold and threw away his knife, so he was disarmed and then he begged the Jaguar not to kill him ! He told it I will never hunt you again; if you let me live ! The cat came and growled around him several times in a circle and the man said his prayers ! But finally the Jaguar walked off into the jungle and spared the guide's life. So he was able to run back to his village and tell them not to hunt the Jaguars as the Cat had spared his life ! so this is why the natives will not usually hunt them for any amount of money !

[Marshal Davout]

People need to LIghten Up the world over; so in that interest,
some Ancient Comedy
Kovacs "The Nairobi Trio"


And another one

[Marshal Davout]

Your mother asks you to take out the garbage and the trash
in return for you allowance;
but you complain about it and then your father tells you "Don't Talk Back ! "

"And Tell Your Hoodlum Friends Outside;
You A'int Got Time to Take a Ride ! " Ha!

[Marshal Davout]

Candy played Football in High School; so he wanted to go Pro, but an Injury sidelined him ! Later he became part owner of the Toronto Argonausts and they won they Grey Cup of the Canadian Football League that year !

Hanks; But what do you say to a Girl who takes off all her clothes in Public ?
Candy; Oh, I'm All For That ! Ha !

Daryyl Hanna is the Mermaid in Splash !

[Marshal Davout]

The Jaguar known as El Jefe somehow gets across the Mexican-US Border; because, after all, who is going to stop him ?
Jaguars; if you do not know, are the Apex Predator of the americas and used to roam all over north and south america as they fear nothing and will take down anything; even a Buffalo !
They trot along in the Open as nothing bothers them; unlike other cats such as the mountain Lion who tend to hide from you, the Jaguar sees no need to do this !
However the Ranchers and the Farmers in the US have decimated them as they will shoot them on sight to save their herds of animals, horses, steers, sheep, etc.
And even the Bears have not seen that many Jaguars; as they think it is another Cat who will run from them.
But El Jefe has taken a liking to Bear meat; so the foolish bears in some cases will let the Jaguar trot right up to them ! And so El Jefe; it has been found, has been taking down black bears and eating them ! When they analyze the remains he leaves ! And so somewhere in the southwestern states of the US; El Jefe still roams !

[Marshal Davout]

[ I go off the Rails Again - Sorry ! ] In the Forests of Guyana a Wild Girl was stealing Food from the Loggers store. so they trapped her at one point and it took five guys to tie her up ! They tried all languages with her French, English, Spanish , etc. but she only growled and Hissed at them ! Finally they gave her to a Doctor to handle; but he could do nothing with her, so he gave her to a Psychologist, who was going back to Paris. He had to take her back to France in a Cage ! He had trouble with Customs, as they said you can't bring a girl into France in a Cage ! But he told them she is a Patient who is kind of Crazy and I'm trying to help her ! So finally they released her into his care after other Psychiatrists at his institute Vouched for him !
He managed to teach the girl some French in exchange for her Favorite treats !
He finally was able to nail down what she thought she was; by showing her pictures of wild animals. She said I am what you call a Jaguar ! Why do you think that ? Because my mother , Tan, told me I was a Jaguar and that was what she was ! and my Father Claw, also !
So, of course, he showed her a Mirror ! Do you not see that you are a Human Girl and not a Jaguar ? But she said the Mirror is a Lie ! Just because you bring up an Elephant on your Computer, does not mean you are an Elephant !
And my mother told me I was a Jaguar ! Am I not to believe her ?
So then he brought in some human girls and they showed her she had hair like them and arms and legs like them ! But she said they are human girls; but I am a Jaguar !
so he tried a different tack. You say you can speak Jaguar ? Yes, she said, I speak Jaguar, Why wouldn't I ! so he said if I take you to the zoo and show you some Jaguars, you can speak to them ? Of course , she said ! And you say animals usually always tell the truth ? Yes, animals do not usually lie, only if they learn this trick from a human; like when a dog claims he did not tear up your cushions while you were gone, he learned this from the humans playing with him !
So he put the girl on strong leash and took her to the Zoo to see the Jaguars. He told her, ask the Jaguars if you are a Human girl and not a Jaguar and they will tell you the truth !
The Jaguars ignored them; but when the girl began to talk to them, they came over near her in their cage and sat down and talked with her ! After some talk; the girl told him what they said. They said she must be a strange jaguar Cub; since she spoke Jaguar and Humans do not speak Jaguar ! And so he was stymied again ! What else did they say ?
They said I should kill you immediately and escape or else you will keep me in a cage for all time , like them !
But you haven't killed me ? How could you kill me ? I would tear out your jugular ! But you didn't ! why ? The Girl said ; you have been nice to me, so I didn't feel like killing you ! (possibly to be continued )

And , of course, the video of the Cat Girl is


And so; later the Girl told the Psychologist; you like me a lot ! You even Love me ? ! So he said, Yes, I Love You !
So the Girl said; then you can be my Mate ! I'll have to Marry you, he said ! But what will we have ? Little Jaguars ? Yes; she said Little Jaguar Cubs !
So then he said; but do me a favor ! Don't tell anybody you are a Jaguar ! It's bad for my reputation as a Psychologist ! So she said OK and Purred !

[Scruffydog777]

Originally Posted by Marshal Davout

[ I go off the Rails Again - Sorry ! ] In the Forests of Guyana a Wild Girl was stealing Food from the Loggers store. so they trapped her at one point and it took five guys to tie her up ! They tried all languages with her French, English, Spanish , etc. but she only growled and Hissed at them ! Finally they gave her to a Doctor to handle; but he could do nothing with her, so he gave her to a Psychologist, who was going back to Paris. He had to take her back to France in a Cage ! He had trouble with Customs, as they said you can't bring a girl into France in a Cage ! But he told them she is a Patient who is kind of Crazy and I'm trying to help her ! So finally they released her into his care after other Psychiatrists at his institute Vouched for him !
He managed to teach the girl some French in exchange for her Favorite treats !
He finally was able to nail down what she thought she was; by showing her pictures of wild animals. She said I am what you call a Jaguar ! Why do you think that ? Because my mother , Tan, told me I was a Jaguar and that was what she was ! and my Father Claw, also !
So, of course, he showed her a Mirror ! Do you not see that you are a Human Girl and not a Jaguar ? But she said the Mirror is a Lie ! Just because you bring up an Elephant on your Computer, does not mean you are an Elephant !
And my mother told me I was a Jaguar ! Am I not to believe her ?
So then he brought in some human girls and they showed her she had hair like them and arms and legs like them ! But she said they are human girls; but I am a Jaguar !
so he tried a different tack. You say you can speak Jaguar ? Yes, she said, I speak Jaguar, Why wouldn't I ! so he said if I take you to the zoo and show you some Jaguars, you can speak to them ? Of course , she said ! And you say animals usually always tell the truth ? Yes, animals do not usually lie, only if they learn this trick from a human; like when a dog claims he did not tear up your cushions while you were gone, he learned this from the humans playing with him !
So he put the girl on strong leash and took her to the Zoo to see the Jaguars. He told her, ask the Jaguars if you are a Human girl and not a Jaguar and they will tell you the truth !
The Jaguars ignored them; but when the girl began to talk to them, they came over near her in their cage and sat down and talked with her ! After some talk; the girl told him what they said. They said she must be a strange jaguar Cub; since she spoke Jaguar and Humans do not speak Jaguar ! And so he was stymied again ! What else did they say ?
They said I should kill you immediately and escape or else you will keep me in a cage for all time , like them !
But you haven't killed me ? How could you kill me ? I would tear out your jugular ! But you didn't ! why ? The Girl said ; you have been nice to me, so I didn't feel like killing you ! (possibly to be continued )

And , of course, the video of the Cat Girl is

Another entertaining story!

[Marshal Davout]

Originally Posted by Scruffydog777

Another entertaining story!

Scruffy; You're Back ! Yeah !