Weird Stories Thread

[Marshal Davout]

I was in our Air Force; graduated Basic, and was shipped off to Tech School to learn Aircraft Maintenance. We used to get up a 6 AM in Basic; so I was sure that Tech School would be more reasonable. However our classes started at 6 AM; which meant that we had to march to the chow hall, eat Breakfast and then march to school in an aircraft hanger ! So we had to get up about 5 AM in Tech school ! Unfortunately I am the type of guy who doesn't wake up until 9 AM after I have had my Coffee ! So the instructors used to pass a note between them in all the sections that said ( "Marshal sleeps in Class ! " Ha ! ) So I would get all of the questions ! I developed the ability to sleep with my Eyes open, so it was hard for them to tell !
Anyway after our school ended at NOON, sometimes we would get extra duty. So it was I was detailed to the base printing office; where I was told to deliver the Base Newspaper to all of the Officers and Sergeants Houses on base.
[Being a young airman I never knew that Officers and Sergeants had "Base Housing" in regular houses on base together with their dependents ] . So I was given like 300 newspapers and told to put them in the newspaper holder in front of all the houses; once I was done I could just take off back to my barracks !
And so I blithely started off to deliver all the newspapers fast, so I could goof off back to the barracks ! All went well for the first 5 houses; but then all these cute girls started to answer the doors and invite me in for lemonade or iced tea ( this was September and so still somewhat hot ) but I had to tell them I cannot come in but must be about my business of paper delivery ! This became a game where all of the girls would call all of the other girls that a cute airman was delivering the paper and so the door of every house I went up to was opened by a cute girl !
All went well as I escaped all of the girls; except when I got to "Colonel Stormers" when his two blond nubile twin girls grabbed me by both arms and yanked me into the house ! You're going to have some Lemonade with us, they said ! This was dangerous territory as both girls looked like Blond Playboy Playmates !
I said I got to go, as I am on duty ! But they said no; you are drinking Lemonade and watching a movie with us on TV ! They asked me how old I was and I was 20 at the time; so only being 16 themselves they thought I was Prime marriage material ! They called some other girls to come over and so I was trapped by about 5 girls ! The Twins went upstairs to change into their Cheerleader uniforms to show me; while the other girls kept me tied up ! Marsha sat in my lap and said we could get married ! But I said I got to know a girl better before I marry her ! Then the twins ( "who did everything together") came downstairs and yanked Marsha off of my lap ! He's going to marry us, they said ( I don't know how I could marry twins, but that was what they thought ) ! And so a Cat Fight started between all of the girls over who I was going to marry !
In the middle of the fight I managed to escape out of their front door; but the twins chased me down the street saying, you've got to come back and take us to the Base Movies ! I said I would be back that weekend to do so, so they let me go.
But I had no intention of showing up to see "Colonel Stormer" and ask him if I could take both of his twin blond daughters to the base movies ! I didn't want to get court-martialed right at the beginning of my enlistment ! Ha !

[Marshal Davout]

This is a Weird Story ! ( I don't think I have told it before ? )
First you must have seen or will play the movie the Wild Bunch by Peckinpaw the director ! Now Peckinpaw likes shoot-outs; so I should warn you first !
I was on an IT interview to get a job. And it was a Top Secret Job; so they interviewed me not at the company; but at a rented office in Gaithersburg, Md. At a certain point they said I would have to talk to their "Security Officer"; so I said OK !
So I waited in an office and then in walked their "Security Officer"; but he wasn't wearing a business suit; he was wearing a Western style suit he had western boots on, not a 10-gallon but a western cowboy hat and not a tie but a western kind of bolero tie on his western style shirt !
But then my jaw dropped open; because I recognized him as an Actor and he had been in the Wild Bunch !
So I had to tell him; I don't mean to be funny; but you look just like the Actor Ben Johnson ! Then he told me he was Ben Johnson ! So then I wanted to get his autograph ! And I asked him are you the security Officer ? But he said they just wanted to see if I would recognize him ! Ha ! So I guess I passed that part, as I recognized him ! ? Ha ! And I got the job later !

[Marshal Davout]

During WWII a man tried to get an appointment with the Secretary of Defence.
He claimed to have Chemicals which would turn water into gasoline ?
The Secretary was busy ; so he put him off.
But the man got into the parking lot and emptied the gasoline out of the Secretaries car and then ran a hose in it to fill it with water !
The secretary came out and said You idiot ! I have an appointment and you've run Water into my car ? !
But the man said it would be OK; I simply put my chemicals into your gas tank and it will turn into Gasoline !
So the man did and the car started and ran ? !
But the Secretary had to go to an important meeting ; so he told the man to see him afterwards.
But when the Secretary got back the man had been "Disappeared" by somebody ! So they never got his formulas or how he was able to turn water into Gasoline in the Secretary's Car !