Funny quotes you've heard

[Fèvier]

so, I'm sure many of you hear ridiculous, and mind boggling quotes by friends, family members, or strangers on the street on a day to day basis. This is the place to share them!

on our way to the dentist, my dad gets irritated and said:

"Can you please grow up man. Why are you wearing sandals to the dentist? Don't you have any sense of manners?"

I'm sure the dentists really care what I wear

[woohoo]

while we were working in the garage my freind's brother walks in and with a drill in hand my freind says " hey nikki leets play garage dentist!". Hilarity insued.

Also at philmont the rules are
1 dont die
2 look good
3 if your going to die look good doing it
4 allways have a knife
5 dont ask questions

oh good times, good times.

[Marquis<3Alizée]

My favorite quote is " come play dying" the front man of Slipknot said it, one of my favorite bands. I know it's sorta creepy but I think it's pretty cool, I'm not into killing or anything or people dying (very sad) I just think it sounds cool.

[The Gate Keeper]

This just happened the other night. My friend who is from India and I wear slightly intoxicated (By slightly I mean very) and my fiancee was driving us back to our house and we where just letting Sundi (I think thats how it's spelled its pronounce sun-dEEp) sleep at our place for the night. He started babbling in his native language and my fiancee eventually just got really annoyed and was like "I swear to what ever god you believe in Sundi I'm gonna kill you if you don't shut the hell up." His response "I am Hindu so which one?" I laughed until I turned purple.

And when I was a teenager my friend and I where blowing stuff up with M8s and bottlerockets. My friend looked at me and said "If we get caught pretend we don't speak English"

[user472884]

you kinda have to know my mom on this one:

*talking with my dad*
"I want one of these John Deere tractors. I look through this [catalogue] every day and I see all the attachments I want to buy. Look at this bucket thing! That's so friggin' cool, I want that"
"What the hell are you doing to haul around?"
"I don't know, a rock"
*at this point I lose it*
"Look at all these things! Even a little brush to make your grass all nice, a little top. Look at that tank thing, tell me you don't want that! You can put any liquid in there; fertilizer, diet dr. pepper for me with a long straw..."
*At this point my neck is spasming out and I can't breathe*
"I don't want to have to switch out each attachment, so I want 4-6 tractors. I'll have one tractor for cutting shit, one for snow stuff, one for the rock, and so on. I want a garage just for my tractors. I think we'll have to buy two of each thing, even the tractors; one to use and one to keep all nice on the wall."
(she was joking around, but it was funnier than hell because she was so serious about it)

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"Shut the fuck up, Donny!"
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"How come every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen... in the goddamn refrigerator, eatin' up all chicken, all the colla' greens, all the hog maws... I LOVE CHICKEN! I LOVE PIG FEET!....."

"ey ay Hey HEY!, take the garbage out son!"

"I've been smellin' yo shit for 22 year, so you can smell mine for five minutes"

"You better put some water on that damn shit!"

If you can guess this movie I'll give you a high five

[AceTone]

Friday. ('95) Thanks to my Google expertise.


"I don't like violence, Tom. I'm a businessman. Blood is a big expense."

[AlizéeInspired]

Haha! Great movie

"it's Friday, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do."

Me and my friends use this one a lot. Lol

[Rictor]

Convo between myself and my friend lawrence:

me: help me find a girl that looks like Alizée please. ill pay you
lawrence: how much
me: contingent on whether you can actually find the girl
me: you'll work on commission - $1000 for the find, but only if she likes me and agrees to be my girl
lawrence: im sorry but im not a fucking wizard



Convo between my friend and some troll who randomly IMed him:

troll: i bet uve neva seen pussy in ur life u cunt
(my friend): that's a contradictory statement.

[wasabi622]

ahhh, Scrubs time!!

Carla: Elliot, you know how they say, "No one will ever love you until you learn to love yourself?"
Elliot: My mother used to say, "No one will ever love you."

[Dr. Kelso has punctured his eardrums]
Ted: There you are, you deaf bastard! I hate you so much, every time you utter my name, I wanna stick my fist all the way down your throat and watch you slowly choke on it!
Dr. Kelso: Ted, I can hear now.
Ted: [frightened] Who's Ted?

Turk: It sounds like you're asking me out on a man date.
J.D.: Turk, why are you so afraid of loving me?

[AlizéeInspired]

Tonight at the movie theater, in the bathroom my friends heard this conversation go on between a couple of guys:

Some kid: Bro, I should put my number on the wall and see how many texts I get.

Some other guy: You're in the men's bathroom, dumbass.