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Old 02-08-2015, 11:29 AM
Djr654 Djr654 is offline
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Default My descent into insanity

I realise that what I'm about to say, or at least something very similar, has been posted here before on various occasions by different people. While I don't particularly want to repeat what has been said previously, I do need to tell someone about this as a means of dealing with my emotions.

It all concerns what has happened to me since I discovered Alizée just over four weeks ago. It was a Saturday evening, and I was browsing Youtube. Thinking back, I believe I was watching a video of Madonna's Like a Prayer, and Alizée's La Isla Bonita came up as one of the suggested videos. I should mention that I had vaguely heard of Alizée before (I knew she was a French singer), but I'd never watched her or heard any of her music. Out of curiosity, I clicked on the LIB video. Wow. I saw a beautiful girl, with a great voice, singing a wonderful song. This, though, in itself, was insufficient to induce any particular emotions, and if I'd stopped there and turned the computer off or whatever, I wouldn't be writing this now.

Of course, I didn't stop there though. My interest had been piqued, and I clicked on one of her J'en Ai Marre performances, and that was pretty much the point of no return. Hook, line and sinker. About 3 hours later, I surfaced, having watched and re-watched various performances (mainly JEAM, JPVA, ML and ACC). Her incredible physical beauty, (especially the face, eyes and smile), together with her voice and the great music, captivated me.

Over the next week, I spent all of my free time on Youtube, drinking in as much Alizée as I could. Of course, it wasn't long before I came across En Concert, which just blew me away. I realised how amazing it would have been to have been there and see her perform live. However, I also noticed something else. Upon reading the comments on the videos I watched, I found that I was unhappy with the crude, lewd and disrespectful things that some people had posted (I would hesitate to use such a strong word as "angry", but you know what I mean). I realised that my feelings for Alizée ran deeper than I had previously imagined.

Thus driven away from the YT comments sections (cesspit of the internet?), I put something like "Alizée discussion" into Google, and I ended up on this forum. Lurking here, and going through a lot of the threads, I was driven deeper into Alizée madness...the amazing things that people here have to say about her, for example her personality and so on. Of course I also came across mention of Stars a Domicile 2003 , which I checked out, and have since watched many times. (By the way, does anyone know of any videos of this with English subtitles? There don't seem to be any on YT, and the various links I've found seem to be dead/return the 404 error. Also the FunTV interview with subtitles). I also found Un Reve's post about meeting her (just to clarify, I realise this isn't going to happen to me; I know I've got more chance of winning the lottery than I have of meeting and talking to Alizée, and I don't even play the lottery, but I certainly have my dreams/fantasies...).

Alizée is now on my mind pretty well 24/7: she's the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep at night (not really sleeping that well though). This isn't a problem as such: I still go to work and so on, and I'm single and will be so indefinitely (for reasons I won't go into here), so the issue of comparing other women to Alizée doesn't arise. However, in the last four weeks I have:

Gone past my stop on the train (twice) because I was daydreaming about Alizée;
Gone to bed every night hoping to dream about her (vain hope so far);
Learnt what limerence is (read the Wikipedia article; I should point out that I don't expect reciprocity from her; I might be insane, but I'm not completely deluded);
Gone to bed hugging a pillow imagining it was Alizée;
Got sleep deprived because I'm staying up until stupid o'clock in the morning on the computer, then not sleeping when I do go to bed.

On the upside, I have noticed an improvement in my mood; I feel happier and more cheerful with Alizée in my life, so it's not all bad.

Sorry for the long post (is anyone out there still reading?), but I had to get some of this stuff out, and I know everyone on here will understand where I'm coming from. I'm still trying to sort out my emotions around all this, and venting some stuff here is cathartic for me.

Right, I'm off now to get my daily dosage of you know who...
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