[Forum Game] Greatest Story Ever Told!

Fèvier · #1 01-15-2011, 11:18 PM

Just for the hell of it, let's make a story! Each person copy and paste the previous post and adds one or two sentences and we'll see how great it gets!

"once upon a time there lived a little baby bunny. It loved to hop through the woods day and night."

You're turn!

(just made that up on the spot so it sounds pretty stupid but I'm sure y'all will make it work

)

Also, after the story gets quite long we can start a new one and continue from there!)

user472884 · #2 01-16-2011, 01:48 AM

Once upon a time, there lived a little baby bunny. It loved to hop through the woods day and night. His name, was Robert P. Coltrane Harius Bunnokowitz Schleiter the Seventeeth, but his friends called him "Jim" for short. Jim lived a carefree life in the foothills of rural New Zealand, frolicking amongst the tall green grasses and the wild flowers of colors many. He lived amongst a small society affectionately referred to as "The Hutch" where bunnies young and old lived in absolute peace and harmony. The elder bunnies sat upon their bunny rockers speaking of times past, the youth played with the butterflies, and every week they held a grand feast of bounty and flavor. However, during one feast during the autumn months, a visitor came to visit. This visitor was well known and loved by the bunnies. His name was Obi Wan, a mage from the region of Compton who would visit the Hutch from time to time, bringing with him fantastic stories of the tales and adventures of imaginary warriors and voyagers. The day Obi Wan came was a particularly beautiful one, the trees were of rich golden colours and the wind was ever so gentle. He spoke with Jim personally after the feast. Jim was curious as to his father who he had never met. Obi Wan said he had fought in a great war against the imperialistic forces of the Disney-Teen Nick empire. He had fought valiantly, fighting to preserve the sanctity and innocence of pre-teen years from the crushing propaganda of false teenage relationships, makeup, and ugg boots.

That night, Jim woke from a nightmare, one so terrible he couldn't fathom what had occurred within his head. Just then, Obi Wan burst through the door from the cold rain, a look of terror across his face. He was covered in spiders. Millions of them. Spiders big, spiders small, some aglow, some ghetto, some gay, but one in particular... yes, one spider leapt from Obi Wan's brow onto Jim's stunned body. Jim gazed down in time to see the the marking of a ring on the spider's back, and his little spider arm flipping the bird before biting the shit out of Jim's bunny leg. The pain struck him immediately. He felt the very fibers of his muscles changing and stretching and ripping and healing all at once. The pain collapsed him. Jim awoke. Hours could have passed, or even years, he didn't know. He awoke on a desert floor, the intense heat cooking his flesh. Then, two men came riding on horseback to where he lie in pain. The men raised their guns. Jim, feeling a sudden urge of confidence, rose to his feet. One of the men dismounted, shouting at him in a foreign tongue. When the man was within reach of Jim, Jim pulled out a collapsible baton and struck the man, while grabbing his rifle still in the man's hand and shot the man's accomplice in the coolest way I've ever seen two people die on tv. Both men lay dead, though something was wrong. Jim had a freaking hand, man.... not a small bunny paw, but a human hand... he stumbled back in fear, seeing that he had not just human hands but human legs and human arms and human feet and human clothes.... he stumbled in fear and disbelief to a small river nearby. He quenched his thirst, and as the water's surface settled, a horrifying figure met his gaze. In shock, Jim checked his arm where he had been bitten. A large ring-like bruise was in its place, with "lol i troll'd you" written in Zapfino about its circumference. He gazed back at his reflection. He had been transformed into a radioactive Tobey Maguire.

He stumbled into a nondescript Middle Eastern village where he spent the next years of his life, slowly gaining his strength and discovering his powers of shooting web and simultaneously looking 18 and 32 years old. A seer resided in the village, who spoke to Jim one day. He said that Jim alone was the sole being who could fight the stupid disney-nickelodeon teen bullshit that was conquering the world. Jim alone, was the link to the one who masterminded the entire conquest, he who was known as The Canadian. Jim understood the purpose of his life which he had been searching for.

"But, I can't do it alone" Jim regretfully replied. Just then, several figures stood forward out of their dark corners. The seer said that these men were destined to help Jim in his quest. The men were strong and cunning. The first was an English elf by the name of Orlando, whose shirtless scenes could strike both fear and awe into his foes. The next was a dwarf whose previous experience was in helping Indiana Jones. Beside him was Ken Leung, who was hired to meet the racial quotas of this story. And lastly, the greatest warrior of them all, the butthole from National Treasure. They would be known then as The Fellowship of the Bling.

The months passed, as the empire was driven back and teenagers all over the world were restored to their previous lives as normal people who focused on learning and chores and shit. The Fellowship fought bravely, until the last obstacle between complete domination and freedom was The Canadian himself. The Canadian was a dark figure, whose very presence corrupted the minds of teenagers within a five mile radius. The Fellowship fought their way into the Canadian's private fortress. The Fellowship stood back to fight the level 85 teenage weeaboo girl guards, while Jim made it through to the Canadian's private chamber. He stood there, his cloaked back to Jim. Random objects n' shit started telepathically flying towards Jim, but he webbed them out of the air with his epic skillz.
"Why must you do this, why must you trample upon the world!?" shouted Jim. The Canadian remained silent as he turned to face him, his face hidden under the shadow of the hood.
"For the lulz" the Canadian replied, in his chillingly high-pitched voice.

Jim took down the Canadian with one shot of his web, because The Canadian was a fuckin' pussy who couldn't fight a cold. Jim walked towards him, his hidden blade extended (giggity). He began to speak.

"You destroyed the Hutch, you ruined my life and the lives of countless others... your insatiable thirst for trolls and power jeopardized the very status quo that was the world... and you killed my father, for which I will kill you!"

Jim's blade slid easily into the Canadian's chest.

"And now, I want to look into the eyes of the man who killed my father as he dies." said Jim solemnly. The Canadian chuckle-coughed.
"My boy, I am disappoint, you fail to see the obvious truth"
"What? What is this shit?"
"See the clues around you, you love Wizards of Waverly Place, you're on Teen Nick's newsletter roster, you got your jedi robes from hot topic...." The realization sent a chill down Jim's spine.
"No... it can't be" Jim said in a quivering voice as he pull back the Canadian's floral hood. The face of Justin Bieber met his.
"Yes, Jim... I am your father"

Jim couldn't believe he was conceived by a kid who looks and sounds twelve, and shot himself in the head out of anger. Then a bunch of people including Peter Jackson, George Lucas, and Viacom sued the shit out of Jalen and that was the end of that.

Did I do it right?

btw this is a piece of shit because I literally just started typing whatever I thought of with no clear end in mind, while being yelled at by wimminz to write faster and better for her amusement.