Parler tout bas

[brad]

I am going to be uploading the Parler tout bas music video soon, and was thinking about putting english subtitles on it. I would like to get aFrenchie's and everyone elses opinion on the following translation by The Honorable

I think there is a lot we can improve on this one, read over the original thread to see some of the other discussions

Originally Posted by The Honorable

Parler tout bas - Speak softly

Les jours de pluie
Mes jouets sont vivants
Les grands ont des griffes
Comme des bouts de ciment
Comment leur dire
Quand on a que seize ans
Le lit qu'on défait, n'a plus
Le goût du zan

On rainy days
my toys are alive
The bigger ones have claws
like little cement bits (1)
How to tell them
when one's not even sixteen
that the bed one defaces, no longer tastes of "zan" (2)

A quoi bon
Les vies chiffons
Les mots d'amour
Qui sont trop courts,
Moi, j' rêve en grand
Comme l'éléphant
Je rêve immense

What's the point of
these old, living rags,
these words of love
that are much too short
I dream big,
as big as an elephant;
so immense are my dreams

Ventre rond
Les yeux profonds
Mon ours dit à quoi bon ?
Son amitié
C'est dur à dire
Dure toute la vie
Alors lui ...

Gentle womb
Profound eyes
My teddy bear says, "What's the use?"
His friendship,
it's hard to say
if it will last a lifetime
So...

Parler tout bas
Trouver les mots qu'il faut
Parler de tout, parler de moi
Pour trouver le repos
Ses bras : la douceur
Il a un cœur à l'intérieur
C'est l'objet de mon cœur
C'est pour lui
Mon poème
Au Monde Inanimé

Speak softly to him
Find the necessary words
Speak about everything, speak about me
To find rest (in)
His arms: sweetness
He has a heart inside
that is the target of my own heart
It's for him
this poem of mine
in an Inanimate World

Les jours de pluie
Mes jouets sont vivants
Les grands ont des rires
Qui vous giflent
En passant

On rainy days
my toys are alive
The bigger ones have smirks (3)
that slap you
while passing by

A quoi bon
L'amour qui fond
Moi j'ai un compagnon
Je voudrais dire
Pas pour de rire
Même si c'est con ...
Je l'aime, lui

What's the point (of this)
love that melts away
I have a friend
I would like to say,
but not for you to laugh, (that)
even if it's stupid...
I love him,...

Parler tout bas
Trouver les mots qu'il faut
Parler de tout, parler de moi
Pour trouver le repos
Ses bras : la douceur
Il a un cœur à l'intérieur
C'est l'objet de mon cœur
C'est pour lui
Mon poème
Au Monde Inanimé

Speak softly to him
Find the necessary words
Speak about everything, speak about me
To find rest (in)
His arms: sweetness
He has a heart inside
that is the target of my own heart
It's for him
this poem of mine
in an Inanimate World

(1) This is a strange line, no doubt. I suppose one can only take it literally for what it is.
(2) According to my dictionary and to everyone I asked, "zan" is not a word that exists in the French vocabulary. Now, I've looked for derivatives in other languages, and the only thing I can find is a reference to some dead tongue derived from Indian or Arabic ("wtf" was my reaction, too...hehe). One alternative is that Mylene is being clever with the language (not exactly a leap of faith...she does it all the time) and is emphasizing a liason; that is, instead of "des ans" she writes "du zan." That is one possibility. Another is she is saying "zan" when she means "sang," as in "blood." Finally, there is the possibility that this is something that will only make sense in that little twisted head of hers (I lean towards this one! Razz). If anyone has any suggestions, please throw them out there.
(3) As Greg commented to me, "les grandes" could be not only a reference to the large bears, but also to adults. In other words, she is expressing the dichotomy and inherent tensions between a child and an adult; the adults "slap her" (metaphorically) by shooting down her dreams (of love, etc.).

--Translation by The Honorable

[aFrenchie]

The Honorable is probably fluent in English or at least way better than me (I don't know where he's from) so for some parts, he may also be better than me to translate even if his French is not as good as a native. It's easier to translate in your own language than doing the opposite.
I see some little mistakes here though. I'll give more details soon.

He's not helped that well apparently, at least by French people (he says he asked to some people), because the (2) point is obvious. Zan (in "le goût du zan") is a candy brand:
http://sucreries.free.fr/images/zan.gif
Also obvious (I mean he should have no doubt) is the pun with "le goût du sang" = "taste of blood"

More later.

[riva2model64]

this song is pretty deep

seems kinda sad too, like the stuffed toys that have claws
and defaced bed among cement bits, the taste of blood

if they made a video of this song, it might be a little frightening

[brad]

Originally Posted by riva2model64

this song is pretty deep

seems kinda sad too, like the stuffed toys that have claws
and defaced bed among cement bits, the taste of blood

if they made a video of this song, it might be a little frightening

there is a video, and it is kinda weird .. i will upload it soon

[Spartan500]

dude they did dvtq posted it awhile back I won't tell you whats in it cause it's a little creepy at least to me but yeah ask dvtq I think it's on his website

edit: didn't feel like spamming this thread so yeah i forgot dvtq is running out space but it's all good since brads gonna put it up soon

[riva2model64]

that would be great brad

and ye spartan dvtq has it on his site, but could not access because dvtq's running out of bandwidth

[aditya8617]

I have seen the video and it isn't scary but kind of sad maybe, I was more focused on Alizee as she looks quite cute in that video.

[aFrenchie]

Globally, Honorable translation is good. But once again, it's often done word for word. A real adaptation would be better if they wanted to create an English version for Alizée to sing. Meaning something from scratch with different images, puns, etc.

1st verse:
Quand on a que seize ans
is not
[The Honorable] when one's not even sixteen
but
when one's only sixteen

1st verse:
Le lit qu'on défait
[TH] the bed one defaces
defaces?? Sound strange...
Hard for me to explain since I have no clue about this expression in English! I need some help here:
According to my dictionary, the opposite "Le lit qu'on fait" (note: no "dé-") seems to be the same in English: "the bed that one makes". Let's see if it's ok, do you say for example: "each morning, i make my bed"?
Now it's the opposite: "Le lit qu'on défait". Literally, "défaire" in French means "undo" or "unmake". Now how do you say it when you "reopen" and "undo" your bed each evening so you can go under the sheets and sleep?
And to add to your pain, note that it may also mean that you remove all sheets and covers of the bed to replace them!

Probably none of words above fit? Maybe something like "unpack" would be ok?
Anyway let's say you use "unpack", the whole phrase would be then: "The bed one unpacks" (or maybe "The bed you unpack"?)
Phew... now your turn to suffer with this, Brad . At least, I thought TH's "defaces" was just wrong. NOW don't tell me that it's how you say it!

2nd verse:
Qui sont trop courts,
[TH] that are much too short
Don't know why he added "much". Just remove it.

2nd verse:
Moi, j' rêve en grand
Comme l'éléphant
[TH] I dream big,
[TH] as big as an elephant;

Meaning (French line): I dream big, as big as an elephant does
I'm not sure it's the same sense without "does" (I ask you actually). For me, that would sound in English that I dream of something that is as big as an elephant
Am I right or are you giggling right now?

Chorus:
Parler tout bas
[TH] Speak softly to him
Why "to him"?? Or is it better in English, according to what follows in next lines...
Also I would use "Speaking softly"

5th verse:
Pas pour de rire
[TH] but not for you to laugh, (that)

"Pas pour de rire" (literally something like "not to laugh about") is a way -a little childish- to say that it's serious, it's for real. You might change TH's phrase...

Notes:
(1) I agree with him. It doesn't make much sense in French too.
(2) already explained in another post above. Just leave the candy name, "Zan". You may add: "(French candy)" on your line
(3) he's right about "les grands". Probably right for the interpretation too.

Now good luck Brad

[aditya8617]

what a big essay aFrenchie!

But neverthless thanks for the info.

[brad]

Originally Posted by aFrenchie

Globally, Honorable translation is good. But once again, it's often done word for word. A real adaptation would be better if they wanted to create an English version for Alizée to sing. Meaning something from scratch with different images, puns, etc.

1st verse:
Quand on a que seize ans
is not
[The Honorable] when one's not even sixteen
but
when one's only sixteen

1st verse:
Le lit qu'on défait
[TH] the bed one defaces
defaces?? Sound strange...
Hard for me to explain since I have no clue about this expression in English! I need some help here:
According to my dictionary, the opposite "Le lit qu'on fait" (note: no "dé-") seems to be the same in English: "the bed that one makes". Let's see if it's ok, do you say for example: "each morning, i make my bed"?
Now it's the opposite: "Le lit qu'on défait". Literally, "défaire" in French means "undo" or "unmake". Now how do you say it when you "reopen" and "undo" your bed each evening so you can go under the sheets and sleep?
And to add to your pain, note that it may also mean that you remove all sheets and covers of the bed to replace them!

Probably none of words above fit? Maybe something like "unpack" would be ok?
Anyway let's say you use "unpack", the whole phrase would be then: "The bed one unpacks" (or maybe "The bed you unpack"?)
Phew... now your turn to suffer with this, Brad . At least, I thought TH's "defaces" was just wrong. NOW don't tell me that it's how you say it!

2nd verse:
Qui sont trop courts,
[TH] that are much too short
Don't know why he added "much". Just remove it.

2nd verse:
Moi, j' rêve en grand
Comme l'éléphant
[TH] I dream big,
[TH] as big as an elephant;

Meaning (French line): I dream big, as big as an elephant does
I'm not sure it's the same sense without "does" (I ask you actually). For me, that would sound in English that I dream of something that is as big as an elephant
Am I right or are you giggling right now?

Chorus:
Parler tout bas
[TH] Speak softly to him
Why "to him"?? Or is it better in English, according to what follows in next lines...
Also I would use "Speaking softly"

5th verse:
Pas pour de rire
[TH] but not for you to laugh, (that)

"Pas pour de rire" (literally something like "not to laugh about") is a way -a little childish- to say that it's serious, it's for real. You might change TH's phrase...

Notes:
(1) I agree with him. It doesn't make much sense in French too.
(2) already explained in another post above. Just leave the candy name, "Zan". You may add: "(French candy)" on your line
(3) he's right about "les grands". Probably right for the interpretation too.

Now good luck Brad

awesome frenchie ... this is perfect

thanks!