Idk if I want to join the USAF anymore

[Future Raptor Ace]

Right now I'm in my bed just thinkng and I need the help my non judgemental online friends. My problem is you all know by now my dream of being a fighter pilot and all. I have just been thinking after all the work I'm doing for my engineering career is it really worth doing military. Also idk if I could live with killing someone, I can't even kill an efong bug, but I want to serve and protect my country and I really want to get my wings and be a fighter pilot. Also after my service with the military as an Aerospace Engineer should I work with the military designing new weapons and jets for them like I dreamed of doing or should I civillian and design jets for transportation or work for NASA and not be as happy as I would be working for the miltary. Also there's that and the civillian engineer out sourcing and lay offs so working with the military garentees me a job and it is what I want and will make me happy. The thing is morality again idk if I want tO make something used to kill. I keep telling myself it's to protect this country but idk anymore, though sometimes one has to fight, idk if I want my hands stained. I am really going back and forth on myself just thinking. Dream vs possible morality issues. Should I turn in my wings before I can even get them? Please help me guys and tell me what you think, I really need your help. Also since you guys don't really know me I trust you will give me a non bull shitted answer unlike my friends have. Thanks, yours truly POSSIBLEfuture raptor ace~. Btw sorry for typos, typedthis on iPod