Behavior

[Merci Alizée]

I didn't know what that being passive aggressive means. Just like Ray, I looked it up and started connecting it with what I do and now I know that many of my friends feel so and I realize why they say so.

I am not very expressive and I don't yell at anyone. Only time I did that in last few years was when a cab driver misbehaved with my friend. I do get angry and I somehow find it difficult to express my disappointment or dislike even in polite way. But then I try to ignore them or do something by which they realize indirectly I am not happy.

Now I think it happens too many times.

[Ray4AJ]

Originally Posted by Merci Alizée

Now I think it happens too many times.

Well MA, the fact that you are concerned about it tells me you are a good person... Much better than I am. Maybe we expect too much that other people behave the way we want them to? Do you make 'rules' for yourself of the best way things should be done and then get frustrated when you can't convince others of how good your methods are? I am curious to know if that happens to you, because it does to me.

[Ray4AJ]

Here's a fun story about how it goes at work. I will notice that things seem to go better when it's easy to find equipment. So I return equipment to it's place when I'm finished with it. When someone else doesn't I ask them why and tell them it makes it easier for everyone else. They ignore me. My boss might make a rule like 'Everyone must label the keys when they first touch them, even if the person before them forgot.' So he never is responsible for labeling keys, but everyone else is. He makes his problem everyone's problem rather than being responsible for himself. I don't mind a rule that everyone follows. I ignore that rule myself though. When someone else doesn't follow it it's because they forgot. When I don't follow it, it's intentional. Work is so much fun. In reality though after so many years working together we are all friends and just get the work done. I haven't been involved in any big arguments at work since I discovered Alizée. Thanks Alizée!

[comjoz]

Yeah, it is just like I recently said to Ray: Tolerance is a virtue in man.
Maybe you guys should contemplate about it, a little more often than usual.

[Merci Alizée]

Originally Posted by Ray4AJ

Well MA, the fact that you are concerned about it tells me you are a good person... Much better than I am. Maybe we expect too much that other people behave the way we want them to? Do you make 'rules' for yourself of the best way things should be done and then get frustrated when you can't convince others of how good your methods are? I am curious to know if that happens to you, because it does to me.

I don't get frustrated when I can't convince others of my methods. I rarely bother much about how anyone else is doing something. I may have opinion about it, but unless they specifically ask me, I don't interfere.

Edit:

Originally Posted by lefty12357

Well MA, I can only speak of my experience here on this forum, but you have been one of the nicest and easiest people to work with. You are smart, rational, thoughtful, and very capable and reliable. I consider myself fortunate to know you, even if it is only within the context of this forum.

Thank you Lefty, I guess many other people think so, but that has never been issue.

One of my senior guy at work told me that I'm way too soft spoken.

Here is what I read on wikipedia about passive aggressive behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, stubbornness, sullen behavior, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

Like I said earlier, I do get angry like everyone else. But I'm rarely able to express that in front of a person. Most of the time I fail to react instantly. But then cooling off period is long and my expression of disappointment is indirect. Earlier I used to think that no one realizes it, but now I know almost everyone knows that I'm not happy with my sudden behavior change.

I'll give an example. In 2014, I asked a friend for help and she refused citing a very stupid reason. Instead of directly telling her that it was not good on her part, I just ignored although I was not happy at all.

Then few weeks later I helped her during college project and when she got appreciation from her teacher, she was very excited, she called me and told me about. While she was very joyous and was explaining everything, I just ok and disconnected the call. She was surprised that I was so cold at that time.

I guess I have been doing this quite regularly now.

The incident which I mentioned in OP happened when I almost ruined a friend's birthday with my cold behavior just because I didn't like something earlier and carried on disappointment till that day. That's when I was labelled as passive aggressive guy