A laugh a day keeps the doctor away.

[kdn]

I don't know why a lot of people find insults funny (they are quite popular). So here are some:

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid."
"It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying."
"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
"The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."

...maybe just to sleep better at night.

[SupaKrupa]

Haha yay. Lame funny is the best:

A midget psychic broke out of prison last night. The morning's newspaper's headline read: A small medium at large.

A naked man and elephant were waiting at a bus stop one day. The elephant looked down at the man and asked "How do you breathe out of something so small ?!"

Why did the belt go to gaol/jail/prison ? ...................... Because it held up a pair of pants !

[Uméesha]

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

[Uméesha]

A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.

"This temple is 1503 years old", replies the guide.

Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.

"Easy", replies the guide, "the archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago"

[Jess]

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat."

The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired.

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted

"You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly

"You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."


Deja Vu Variants...........

Deja boo: The feeling that I've been frightened like this before
Deja do: The feeling my stylist has given me this cut before.
Deja moo: The feeling I've drank this milk before.
Deja poo: The feeling I've stepped in this before.

[Rocket]

Very funny Jess and welcome to the site.

[RMJ]

I have been laughing two days straight on the IRC... I think I will ever need a doctor again.

[Drake498]

Originally Posted by Rocket

Found in a men's restroom stall: Why are you looking here? The joke is between your legs

LOL, i've actually seen this in a restroom before >_<
(i'm sure all guys have seen it somewhere b4, but still )

[lefty12357]

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac who lay awake all night wondering if there is a DOG?

[DesertFox]

GREAT JOKES EVERYBODY!!!.

"Turmoil stirs the animals in the forest because Mr. Fox is going to give a speech to all the animals. He sits on a big stone and says...-Friends, since my birthday is coming, im going to throw a party!!! all the animals screamed hoooray!!! except the toad which said Fucking A Mr. Fox!!
Mr. Fox felt a little disturbed about the remark (he was a very proper Fox) and continued. There will be lots of food and drink!!! The toad cried again!! Fucking A Mr. Fox!!! Mr. Fox was losing his temper. Also, Alizee is coming to sing for us!!! All the animals went wild!!! and the toad cried with all his lungs!! FUCKING A!!!! YEAH!!!...Mr. Fox got so pissed and answered. Everyone is invited. except for the green, big eyed, big mouth asshole that lives in the pond!!! The toad screams!! HAHA Fucking A THE CROCODILE GOT SCREWED!!!!